Sexuality is all about the way you feel and express yourself sexually. Sexuality has to do with lots of different things, including thoughts, feelings, experiences, desires and behaviours.
Your sexuality is completely your own, and it will change and shift over time. Understanding and respecting your own sexuality, whatever that might be, can help you a live a happier and healthier life.
Sexual orientation is about who you are romantically and/or sexually attracted to. Some examples examples of sexual orientation are gay, bisexual, straight, lesbian or queer.
How do I know my sexual orientation?
It might take a while for you to know your sexual orientation, and it might change over time. Try to be patient and listen to your needs and desires – who are you attracted to and why? Who would you like to see yourself dating? What are your sexual fantasies? These types of questions might help with the process of understanding your sexual identity.Remember that there is no right or wrong sexual orientation.
Lesbian is when a woman is attracted to other women. A woman can include anyone, regardless of their sex assigned at birth.
Gay is when a person is attracted to someone of the same gender as them. This term is typically used to describe men, but can also be used by women or anyone on the gender spectrum. Another word for gay is homosexual, but it is not as popular.
Bisexual is when a person is attracted to people of different genders. Originally this term described someone who is attracted to both men and women. For many people, this is still the case. For others, bisexual has expanded and can mean being attracted to other genders beyond man and woman.
Pansexual is when a person is attracted to a person of any gender.
Straight is when a person is attracted to someone of a different gender than their own. It refers specifically to when a woman is attracted to a man or a man is attracted to a woman. Another word for straight is heterosexual.
Queer is an umbrella term used to describe LGBTQ+ people and/or individual sexual and gender identities that are not heterosexual or cisgender. Queer can also be used to describe something that is outside of the norm.
Historically, queer was used as a slur to describe LGBTQ+ people. Nowadays, LGBTQ+ people often use queer as an empowering term. As a marginalized group, LGBTQ+ people often find strength in reclaiming terms that were once used negatively against them. However, not everyone will feel comfortable using this term given its history. Queer can also be used as a political term bcause it forces people to question what is normal.
Two-Spirit is when a person has both feminine and masculine spirits. Two-Spirit is a term that is specific to Indigenous culture and can refer to both sexual orientation and gender identity. Two-Spirit goes across and beyond western ideas of sex, gender and sexuality, and will look and mean different things based on different nations, communities and individuals. Before colonization, Two-Spirit people were seen as gifted individuals who were healers and educators. Since colonization, Two-Spirit people have been marginalized and have had the gender binary violently imposed on them. Currently, a lot of work is being done to resist the oppression of Two-Spirit individuals, and find empowerment in their cultural practices and teachings.
Asexual is when a person does not feel sexual attraction to others. Someone who is asexual can have romantic, intimate relationships with other people regardless of sexual attraction.
Demisexual is when a person only feels sexual attraction after forming a strong connection and emotional bond with another person.
The ace umbrella refers to the spectrum of sexual identities that fall between asexuality and non-asexuality. Under the ace umbrella, someone can identify as asexual, gray-asexual and demisexual. Asexual, gray-asexual and demisexual are all types of sexual orientations and do not define someone’s sexual behaviours; those who identify under the ace umbrella can be sexually active even if they are not sexually attracted to other people.
Gray-a or gray asexual is when a person rarely feels sexual attraction to others. They might experience sexual attraction sometimes and other times not, or they may experience sexual attraction in an infrequent or reduced way.
Questioning is when a person is unsure of their sexual or gender identity. You might need more time to understand who you are and who you are interested in romantically and sexually. It's really common to be questioning your identity so don’t worry if you are still figuring things out!
Sexual Identity
Sexual identity is the way you feel, experience and think about your own sexuality. Sexual identity has to do with your sexual orientation.
Sexual identity is fluid and can change and shift over time. How you identify sexually is completely up to you! If you don’t want to identify or label yourself as anything, that is totally okay too. Sometimes identifying a certain way can give you confidence and a sense of community, while other times it can be alienating or uncomfortable. Although you might not choose who you are attracted to and how, it is your choice to sexually identify with whatever feels best to you. No one has the right to tell you what your sexual identity is.
Sexual Behaviour
Sexual behaviour is about the acts and practices that you engage in. Your sexual behaviour does not necessarily dictate your sexual orientation or identity. For example, you might identify as a straight woman, even if you like having sex or kissing other women. You might identify as a lesbian, but enjoy having sex or kissing men. Your sexual behaviour does not define who you are. However, knowing your sexual preferences and desires might help you understand different parts of your sexual identity.
Sexual vs. Romantic Attraction
You can be attracted to people in many different ways such as romantically and/or sexually. Sexual attraction refers to having sexual desire and feelings towards a certain person, for example wanting to have some form of sex with that person. Romantic attraction refers to having romantic desires and feelings towards a certain person, such as wanting to have an intimate and emotional relationship with that person. Sexual and romantic attraction do not necessarily define your sexual orientation or identity. For example, you might identify as a straight woman, but be sexually or romantically attracted to other women.
For certain individuals, it is important to distinguish between sexual and romantic attraction and there are different terms that can be used to reflect this. For example, identifying as bisexual means that you are sexually attracted to people of different genders, while biromantic means that you are romantically attracted to people of different genders. The same can be said for pansexual versus panromantic, homosexual versus homoromantic, heterosexual versus heteroromantic and asexual versus aromantic.
For more information, check out: Romantic vs Sexual Feelings
Confused by all these terms? Check out our jargon decoder here.